Children are often ascribed with an expectation to lead carefree, happy lives, and to generally experience positivity during their childhood. Now, this may happen in a lot of cases, however, it doesn’t happen with all of them.
Certain personality traits in some children may make it seem that they are constantly thinking negatively. This may manifest as a regular unhappy demeanor, lots of complaining, and several others. In this case, such a child may be viewed as being chronically negative.
What Causes Chronic Negativity?
In psychology, several reasons explain why people can be chronically negative. So, if you’re wondering why is your child is consistently negative, here are five of the most common reasons.
Emotional Reasoning
This is usually based on feelings and the thought process follows that the justification they come up with for how they feel must hold true. For instance, “I feel lonely, therefore, I’m not liked by anybody.” This sort of thinking can result in a lot of negative feelings.
Fortune-Telling
This is a really destructive thought process because of the effects it can have. It practically takes pessimism to new levels. It is basically a thought process of viewing the future in a constant negative light. What makes this thought process even worse is the fact that the thinking might affect behavior, causing something to actually go wrong, and it would be taken as confirmation.
A vicious cycle of negative expectations and results then begins. For anything good that happens, it would be regarded as a fluke. An example is “I know I’m going to flunk this test.” This results in panic and distracts from actually studying to pass.
Overly Generalizing
This can also be explained using the confirmation bias. It usually follows picking a negative aspect of a situation and making it align with a recurring pattern that occurs in your life. For instance, “I made some mistakes on my homework, I never do anything right.”
These random occurrences which may in fact be very random are accorded more importance than they should be and somewhat enlarged beyond how they should be.
Dichotomous Thinking or Black-and-White Thinking
For children like this, there are no grey areas. Only black or white, good or bad, positive or negative. There is no making light of a terrible situation or finding the upside in a relatively inconvenient occurrence.
This thinking pattern which extends to how they feel manifests as something having to meet all of their expectations completely or it falls short altogether. For instance, a 99% grade isn’t good enough — if it’s not 100%, then it’s regarded as a total failure. This sort of thinking is a surefire way to be chronically negative.
Labeling
This refers to a situation where your child labels themself or someone and the label practically becomes overarching. Basically, there’s some space to hold a different opinion or see themself or the person in a different light. For instance, “I spilled some water. I’m so clumsy.” Being clumsy becomes the only light in which their personality is reflected.
Combating Chronic Negativity
Combatting may seem pretty heavy, however, dealing with chronic negativity before it takes root and becomes a deeply ingrained personality trait is crucial. Here are some tips to help.
Don’t Acknowledge All Bad Moods
This doesn’t imply that you shouldn’t acknowledge your child when they’re in a bad mood. You should. However, don’t address them based on the mood that they’re in, and don’t let it affect yours either.
A lack of reaction is a step in the right direction towards eliminating negative behavior. Ensure that your disposition is constantly one that is accepting in spite of the negative temperament. This way, you can subtly influence them over time and equally as important, preserve a good relationship with them.
Identify Root Causes
Sometimes, the occurrence of a negative mood follows a pattern. It may be worse in the mornings of weekdays when they have to go to school or after school. It may also be heightened by certain situations like fatigue or hunger.
By addressing the root cause, you can help effectively deal with this negativity. Identify and meet their physical needs, as well as any need for either structure or a pattern to their day. Consider other scenarios like making plans for new interactions and facilitating overall social development.
When you do this, over time, your child is able to get a better handle on their emotions and do better at dealing with negative moods.
Confront the Negativity
It is one thing to not acknowledge all bad moods. However, one thing you have to do is confront the negativity. Your child shouldn’t escalate their mood such that it becomes the general feeling in the home. Put a foot down when it seems like the complaining and negative behavior is getting out of hand.
If they constantly harp about the negative aspects of situations, point out the positives. Also, be sure to address irrational statements. If they’re still not getting off that horse, you can go ahead to say something like “That’s enough. I know you feel some kind of way, but..”
So, you shut the lid on it and continue with whatever you were doing. This makes it evident to your child that the case is closed.
Demonstrate Positive Behavior
A chronically negative child would not suddenly transform into having a positive and cheerful personality. This is something that would happen over time, so, you have to set it on track. For instance, in a situation that isn’t looking great, you can remain calm and optimistic.
Encourage your child to review and explore other feelings when the go-to in a particular situation is a negative reaction. If their attitude has caused a rift to occur with a friend, help them repair such a social relationship.
Encourage them to explore interests and hobbies that they like and enjoy. This is a great way to help them stay calm and even take it a step further to make them feel positive. If there is a choice to be made, and they aren’t thrilled about either, allow them to choose still.
Be sure to remain patient and show lots of love and affection so that they can be somewhat infected by your spirit.
Relieve Positive Events and Experiences
One way to reinforce positive thinking is to reinforce positive situations. In children below the age of 8, there is a High-Low game that you can use to counter any negative experiences or thoughts with positive ones.
At dinner, you can have all members of the family share one higher moment and one low moment in the day. Try to start with the low so that it ends with the high. This has two benefits — first, you get to know how their day went, and you make sure they are left with a positive feeling after, which is what you’re after anyway.
For older children, you can approach with a more intentional method that involves maintaining a positive events diary. So, irrespective of how bad they think that their day went, have them write down at least three positive experiences that they had during the day.
It could be as basic as really enjoying their lunch or soda to doing very well on a test. The result is that despite a seemingly negative day, they would start to realize that it wasn’t all that bad. This cultivates seeing the good in seemingly bad situations.
Encourage Gratitude
This involves deliberately practicing gratitude. You could make it a regular occurrence at dinner for everybody to say something that they are grateful for. This ensures that dinner is more positive and the atmosphere feels less heavy. Don’t be surprised if your child is grateful for dinner every night. This is still helping you achieve the result that you want.
For older children, consider a gratitude journal, similar to the positive events diary. Rather than fixating on the things that went wrong that day or didn’t go their way, their thoughts are focused more on the good things that happened to them.
Something else that this does is that it helps them be really present in every situation. So, for instance, if their friend at school did something nice or told them a kind word, they would likely think to themselves “I’m grateful for the gift of friendship.”
Also, you should emphasize the fact that there is a lot to be grateful for and it doesn’t necessarily have to be restricted to the really big things. They can appreciate people, things, and experiences, amongst others. In addition to the journaling, if you want to hear them say it out loud, you can use prompts like “Something I’m grateful for today is…”
This sets them on the right track to practicing gratitude.
How to Encourage a Positive Attitude in Your Child
Fostering a positive attitude in your child is a gradual process and usually requires that you put some basic measures in place. Here are some crucial measures that would serve as a proper base for getting them to develop a positive attitude.
Provide a Sense of Security
Every child wants to feel safe and secure. This in itself is one of the bases for developing a positive attitude. Insecurities, which result when your child doesn’t feel safe, would eventually play into their attitude.
A practical way to develop your child’s sense of security is to have honest and genuine conversations with them. Be open to them so that they know they can come to you anytime without fear of judgment or harsh reprimand.
They know that they can discuss sensitive issues with you, even those that they would typically keep secret or try to deal with alone. When there’s any problem, they know you’re there to help proffer a solution. This is how you build a sense of security.
Develop Your Child’s Self-Esteem
This relates to how they view themselves and as such, can play a crucial role in how they behave and their actions towards others as well. The main elements of self-esteem are how your child regards their abilities and other areas of themselves.
How others interact with them can also impact self-esteem. Feedback such as compliments, praise, and criticisms from you can impact it too. The way you treat them as a parent is another crucial factor.
Overall, if your child has high self-esteem and regards themself in a positive light, it would reflect in their attitude. On the other hand, a negative view of themself can result in a negative attitude.
Encourage Goal Setting
No doubt you feel pretty accomplished when you set a goal and achieve it. It’s pretty much the same for your child. When they set goals and achieve them, it plays into having a positive attitude. Achieving set goals does wonders for self-esteem and self-worth.
Having a goal also keeps your child busy, so, they have something to work towards. Even before the main accomplishment, they can get dopamine hits from reaching certain milestones or completing various sections of the goal.
They start to view themselves in a positive light — as someone who achieves things. Even after meeting the goal, they can always reflect on the fact that they made it happen. This is an excellent way to foster a positive attitude and mindset in children.
Be a Model of Positivity
If you want to decrease chronic negativity in kids, then you must be ready to exemplify what you want to see in them. Your child is constantly watching you and your reactions to several situations.
So, if you’re in a state of constant optimism, don’t be surprised to find that your child would likely be the same. If reverse is the case, it wouldn’t be too long before you spot some negativity in them. You’re a role model to your child in several areas, and your attitude isn’t left out.
Model yourself properly and watch their attitude gradually transform to match yours.
Conclusion
Getting a chronically negative child to experience a change of attitude isn’t magic. It’s a gradual process that requires plenty of conscious work and patience. Be sure to apply the various measures in this article, and as a final highlight, ensure that you’re a model of positivity yourself. Over time, you’re guaranteed to see improvement.